Im NOT starting over – Im starting again at the start and eating humble pie…

So, its been a long time between posts…….

Feeling a bit overwhemled at blogging again but think i need to do it as It keeps me accountable and honest 

So many things have happened and its really hard to know where to start. 

I have been up and down an up again with my weightloss.

I am about to become a grandmother

I left my nice secure gov based job, to enable me to train for my 1/2 marathon… speaking of which 

I am now a runner…. YAY ME!!! 

I have trained for and completed two of my goals, 

1The City 2 Surf ( hated it but ran the whole way ) 

2 ) Cadbury 1/2 Marathon ( loved it ran the whole way and smiled the whole way too )  ( will post more about this soon ) 

I have given up smoking.

I have started training to become a PT.

I have rejoined the 12wbt to get my weightloss back under control ( not doing the current round but will be doing the next round starting 28/314 ) 

I have just posted a long winded rant about my weightloss . weighgain etc etc on the 12wbt forums and thought Id share it here too..

A lot of this stuff I have gone over before on here so I apologise for repeating myself over and over again

Oh and I just checked out the preview to this… funnily enough the last post before this one was me talking about  how much I know ( all of which I really do still know ) …  Just goes to show how mindsets and circumstances can change your perspective.. and thats ok, its all about what you need at the time.. and right now at this time, this is what I need 

thanks for reading xoxoxo 

its good to be back…



Its not starting over, it just starting back at the start..


Just thought I’d pop in and introduce myself…  but a word of warning, what started out as a simple little Hi im so an so and this is my 9th round blah blah blah has turned into a bit of a novel……… so Id suggest maybe you should grab yourself a nice cuppa / head off to the loo, get yourself nice and comfortable before continuing on..


Also Im posting this in a few places so you may see it more than once as even though I am doing the Advanced program I’d like to share my story with everyone to offer support and encouragement.


Ready … Ok  here goes…


Firstly the introduction…  Hi Im Leanne, 42, Wife, mother ( about to become Grandmother ) domestic goddess, genius, awesome, fun , friendly, helpful , fun runner, fitness fanatic wannabe,  etc etc etc .


I am back again to start at the start, I am not starting over I am just starting back at the start. ( There is a difference )


For me the beginning of this round will be a new kind of start,  one that I have done several times before but each time it has been different and this time will be different again. You see I am almost back to the weight I was when I first started with 12wbt.


Like most people on here I have had weight issues my entire life. I yo yo up and down over and over and over again…


At my heaviest ( 3years ago ) I was 118kgs…  I lost a few kgs on my own and started 12wbt in Round 3 2011 at 98kgs ….at my lightest ( 18mnths ago ) I was 77kgs. As I sit here and type this on 22nd Feb I currently weigh in at 97kgs…


This next round will be my 9th… OMFG… 9!!!!!…  

I have the little badge next to my name showing “9” rounds and “ Champion”

I think “Champion” is a little misguided…

So lets just get this straight, I have signed up for 9 rounds BUT if I am totally honest with myself I have really only committed and actually done about 4 of those and to be brutally gut wrenchingly arms wide open honest I have only followed the program to the letter for 1 round… ( funnily enough that was also my most successful round .. hmm )


I have been reflecting on how much has changed over the past 9 rounds….  its not just my weight.


When I first started exercising, I was too embarrassed to go outside and exercise in public where people would see me.


I was too embarrassed to let any one know I was trying to loose weight, what if I failed, what if someone asked me about it.


I used to walk around my house and backyard.

I used to use my sons Wii and do the Wii fitness games.

I used to wear baggy clothes – god forbid I would wear lycra exercise gear..or OMG  a singlet!!

I wanted to join the gym but I thought I was too unfit.  How silly is that??

I wanted to learn to run but was afraid of what anyone who seen me would think.

I started out very slowly, just gentle exercise 2 – 3 times a week.


I met a girl online through the biggestloser club website and we dared to dream we could walk the city2surf.

I had never committed to anyone else that I would do something, from the moment I committed to her I thought of a thousand excuses I could use to get out of it. I told my family I wanted to do it and they just looked at me rolled their eyes and thought.. yeah yeah whatever.

It took me a lot to finally get the courage to go walking around my neighbourhood, but I made the choice I had committed to do the city 2 surf and I was going to do it, it was probably going to take me 5hrs but I was going to do it.

I walked 3 times a week for about 8 weeks to get ready, and the week before I set off on my longest walk of 13kms just to prove to myself that I could do it.

It took me 3hrs, and I was in agony by the end…


Finally the big day came and we did it, we walked the city2surf.

It was extremely hard, I could not walk for a week afterwards, and even though I was elated and proud of what I had achieved, I had mixed feelings  knew I still had such long way to go, I had already lost 20kgs and was feeling depressed that I still had so much more to do. I was desperate, I needed help, I had no confidence, I had no future goals set , I just wanted to loose more weight.


I then started with 12wbt and loved the camaraderie, of  everyone being on the same menu plan, following the same exercises etc etc..


I did the tasks and took a big leap of confidence and introduced myself in the forums, where I discovered my fears and anxieties were completely normal.


I joined a facebook group for Sydneysiders where I met the amazingly awesome Leonie Gray and started attending some Saturday afternoon boot camp type sessions.

I discovered that I actually liked healthy foods, and could exercise and push myself further than I thought possible.

I was still a smoker but I kept telling myself, “ Ill wait till I lose the weight then I’ll give it up “


Every round I have done has been different.

My goals have been different, my mindset has been different, my focus and commitment level have been different.

Some I have focused purely on weight loss

Some I have focused on nutrition

Some I have focused on fitness

Some I had focused on all three

Some I have not even logged on to website for the entire round.

Some I had no focus at all, merely plodding along hoping for the best


Over the next few rounds I lost another 21kgs still smoking. I attempted a few times to give up but as soon as I started to put on weight I would panic and start up smoking again.


I started my own facebook group up for Western Sydney members and have met the most amazing group of friends through the page. I wanted to help other people realise they could do this, that no matter how daunted they felt at the beginning it was worth the effort, and everyone has to start somewhere.

I organised regular meet ups for fitness tests, and SSS’s,  we had a huge group meet up at the Sydney Finale in 2012 got an awesome pic with Mish.. 

I still smile everytime I think about these days, I was at my happiest when I would drag my butt out of bed early on Sat morning to head down to the river and meet up with whoever else turned up, we would moan and groan, whinge and complain, laugh and joke while we worked out.. then we would all go for breakfast.. I’m sure the Coffee club staff  at Penrith would roll their eyes when we all walked in, we would order things from the menu but make multiple changes… I’ll have the lifestyle breakfast – no butter no cheese wholemeal bread and only 1 slice.. oh and with mushrooms please…


I had a bit of a break from the program at the start of last year ( although I did sign up twice!! )

I joined a run club and when I started to get a bit more “serious” about running and fun runs and starting training for the City2Surf,  

I had a huge light bulb moment, what was the point pushing myself running 3 – 4 times each week and then lighting up afterwards? ..  Finally after years of procrastinating I did it, I gave up smoking. I am not going to lie the first 4 – 5 weeks were extremely hard, but as time went on it did get easier until one day I just realised that I had not even thought about it for a week or so…   I trained to run the city2 surf for the 1st time, and I did it.

I then started training for my 1st ½ marathon, I trained for 6months and documented my training on my facebook page to keep myself accountable.- check it out here if you want .


I knew I would gain some weight by giving up smoking, but I thought that by training hard I could counteract that… seems I was wrong, while training for my ½ marathon despite doing around 40kms of running each week, and training for at least 1hr a day for 5-6 days I still gained 10kgs, I then got diagnosed with early menopause and have steadily been putting on an average of about 300 grms a week.


So now I sit here at around the same weight 2 ½ years later,  ready to start back at the start..


This time the start is so much different .


When I first started on this lifestyle change I was a heavy smoker, I used to smoke both before and after my workouts, I would chain smoke on the way the gym or a workout.

I could not walk more than 1km without having to stop for a breath

I had “back issues” and believed that I my back was damaged for good and would always prevent me from being active.

I could not run to save my life.

I had no real dreams or aspirations for my personal life ; my goal was simply to lose weight and look good in photos  ( or at least not look fat )



My goals then were

1 ) Lose weight ( no specific number just enough to “Look normal” ) and to be able to buy clothes in any shop

2 ) Give up smoking

3 ) Get Fitter


The only fitness goal I set for myself was to be able to walk the City2Surf so I could say that I had done it.


Ive learned to set goals and work my butt off to achieve them.


Yep I’ve lost 35kg…  I’ve also managed to put 17 of those back on.

I can buy clothes in any shop but Im back to the bigger sizes again


I have given up smoking – had my last cigarette 30th April 2013 and have not even thought about having another  


My “back issues” went away as I lost weight and became more active.


I am fairly fit. I can run, I have not only walked the city 2 surf twice but I have also run it last year.

This year despite being up 17kg I did my first ½ marathon in January  and I wore tight lycra with a singlet!!


When I got down to my lightest I was starting to get fitter but I was still a smoker and would struggle with running and any form of hard cardio work.


When I was at my fittest I gave up smoking and starting early menopause and gained back weight


I refuse to see this as a damned if you do and damned If you don’t kind of thing.


I choose see it as an out of alignment kind of thing.

I always wanted to give up smoking, and If I had of given it up at 118kgs  I would have probably still gained weight  and the early menopause thing, well nothing I can do about that.

So if I had not lost the weight first, I would have gotten even heavier than 118 and that would have made it 100 times harder to start than it was in the first place..


Regardless of my weight I am happier and healthier and more confident than I have been in years, I am proud of the person I have discovered.


I am a non smoker.


I am a runner


I am confident and passionate


I have big goals and dreams. And I am not scared to shout them out and pursue them.


I know there is no failure, as long as you keep getting up moving forward and giving it your best you will not fail.. It might just take a bit longer to get there.


I have realised that helping people realise they can do this for themselves is what makes me happy, my new goal is to become a PT so I can work with people who feel they are too far gone to do anything and don’t have the confidence to try.

I want to help anyone who was once like me thinking, “its just too hard” “ ill never be able to do this” “ everytime I try I fail” “ Im just to unfit to go to the gym”


I know I can loose the weight that I have gained back, and I know that I can achieve my goals, its just a matter of starting again, and where better place to start, then at the start…









I am not doing this current round of 12wbt , in  fact since my last blog I have not done much of anything.

Well that’s not entirely true, I’ve done things and lots of things have happened – Christmas, New Years, birthdays etc AND…  I have been running, YES ME running – for real –  AND AND AND..  I’ve even joined a Run club and I LOVE IT but aside from that I’ve been a bit all over the place.


You know what I mean, my food choices have not been great, and while they are much better than they would have been a few years ago, they are no where near as healthy as they should be, and we all know what this means, YEP you guessed it, those kg’s I worked so DAMN hard to get off are starting to creep back on bit by bit.


The illogical part of my brain has working overtime lately ignoring all those little feather tickles that say , Do you really need that?,  Shouldn’t you work out just a bit harder,  The same part brain part also ignored the rock that was thrown in when the message didn’t get through ..  don’t worry about the numbers on the scale, its only a few hundred grams and its just a number. Don’t worry about the tight pants,. They’re not too bad, after all they still fit… just..

Luckily the logical rational side has kicked in just as the mac truck started to back up for a head on impact…



I KNOW THIS STUFF, Ive been doing it for years.


I KNOW what I SHOULD be doing

I KNOW I can lose weight

I KNOW the basic fundamentals of this healthy lifestyle and weight loss stuff

I even KNOW some of the more complicated technical stuff too

I KNOW what foods I SHOULD be choosing

I KNOW he numbers on the scales are DO NOT DEFINE ME

I KNOW I use that last line when those numbers are not going down but when they are going up like they are now – guess what  they are  DEFINING ME and my choices!!

I KNOW I am free to choose, and that every choice I make will bring me closer to or further from my ultimate goal

I KNOW that clean healthy food combined with exercise is the ONLY way to maintain a healthy lifestyle

I KNOW that I feel SO much better when I choose healthy foods

I KNOW that I LOVE feeling healthy and looking HOT!!

I KNOW I need to track my food to keep myself in check

I KNOW I need to control my portion sizes

I KNOW how AWESOME it feels to set goals and achieve them

I KNOW how important exercise is

I KNOW my stomach and my bowel ( eww gross ) feel and work so much better when I choose healthy foods

I KNOW that my skin clears up when I choose the healthy option

I KNOW that SMOKING is bad for me and one day it just might KILL ME!!

I KNOW I drink too much coffee

I KNOW that peanuts are a good source of protein and omega 3 acids, and that peanut M & Ms are NOT the same

I KNOW that I should drink at least 2 litres of water EVERY DAY

I KNOW that a peanut butter sandwich on fresh soft white bread from the local bakery, is NOT a healthy choice at 11pm

I KNOW a lot of stuff, yet here I am sitting here at work at 1am feeling all FAT and uncomfortable, my clothes are getting too tight, my work top is starting to bulge at the buttons just a little bit and I can feel my stomach hanging over my pants.


Its quite irritating, because I KNOW that I KNOW these things, its hard to put into words, but you know what I mean, once you KNOW something you just know it and you can not UNKNOW it!! No matter how hard you might try to forget about something or ignore that voice inside your head, once its out there and you KNOW it, you just KNOW IT.


Lets just back up a bit here, Over the past 3 years I have lost a total of 35kg, ( and even after all of that I have never come close to my goal weight )  I have done the 12wbt, I’ve done the biggest loser club, but what it all comes down to is I HAVE DONE IT, through making healthy choices and hard work.


I must admit when I starting writing this post tonight I was heading towards justifying my desire to sign back up to the 12wbt program.  I got the email today, the next round sign up has started and my head starting spinning. Oh should I join back up? I’ve been really slack lately, I did so well when I was on the program, I have put back on almost 5kgs, its so much easier than having to think for myself.. etc etc etc and ohh look customised programs… ohhh tempting tempting….  Its only $200….. and its easy right, just click on that little tempting JOIN NOW button and you’re back on track..


Now sitting here typing it listing all of the things I KNOW It sparked the REBEL side of me, the defiant side, you know that side of you that sparks up when someone tells you that you cant do something.

Please don’t get me wrong, I loved the program, it taught me a lot, it helped me find the most amazing friends I have ever had, it showed me no matter who you are, where you are from, how much you have to lose, we all have the same demons, same emotions, same struggles, same issues.

I did not sign up for the current round because I thought I would be ok on my own, I know what to do  and I needed to do it for myself, just to prove I could do it …..but I haven’t, so what does that mean?, does it mean I have failed? Of course not!! , I still KNOW all the stuff I know I just haven’t applied it. I never really had a plan, I have just been free styling without success, walking around with blinkers on, that is not failure its just stubbornness.


I came to work tonight ready to start a goal list for the year, and to plan some meals, and workouts for the next few weeks to get me back on track and subconsciously I think to get me through to the next round starting.


But it has reignited the fire in me the KNOWING I can do this, without a program, I need to do this without a program, I need to STAND and take control of my life and not depend on a program to provide all the details.  After all, life itself is not a program, sooner or later, we need to take control for ourselves, as a very wise women told me recently – HELLO!!! – WHOS DRIVING THIS CAR!!


So Ive decided once again to not sign up for this round, Its been an emotional mind / soul searching decision but Im feeling confident it’s the right one for me, at this point in my life….  And I have a network of the most AWESOME amazing supportive friends that a girl could ever hope for, who I know are there for me whenever I need them


I have also realised I need to blog more often, it’s so therapeutic as I said earlier this blog actually started with me saying why I had fallen off the wagon and how I needed to go back on the program, so look out Ill be back here a lot!!


I have started my goal list, another emotional roller-coaster but Ill save that for my next blog


An finally while I am sitting here typing away, Im looking at the name of my blog, its still makes me smile… my journey to AWESOME!!


I KNOW that I am AWESOME, not just because that’s the name of my blog, or that Im in an AWESOME group, or because I have a pencil case that says so..  Its just one of those things, you know, you just KNOW!!


Friends, Finale & Feathers – Part 2 – FINALE

It was announced that this finale would be in Sydney about 12 weeks ago,

OMG to say we were a little excited about this is a huge UNDERSTATMENT, the previous finales had been in Perth and Melboure so we were MEGA excited about SYDNEY

Preparations and excited plans starting being formulated immediately,

There were SO many things to think about…. what to wear… where to stay… how long to stay for…. makeup…. hair…. nails…. waxing… spray tans…. shoes…. handbags…. accessories…. where to eat…. limo.. ( hot pink of course ) etc etc etc  luckily we had 12 weeks to plan it all..  I was announced that Emazon would be doing her Stand Your Ground session in the city that weekend too, Perfect timing!

Now for those of you who know me, I am NOT normally a girly type girl, but even I was excited to get all glammed up

There were a few hiccups along the way, I bought a beautiful dress in week 4  with the faint hope of fitting into it in time………  well that did NOT happen, but  me being me and being anal about  being organised – I had also bought a beautiful 2nd hand dress from St Vinnies for a whole $6 just in case….

So we got a group of amazing girls together and booked a luxury 2 bed room apartment at The Star , and a stretch hot pink dodge limo and the countdown to our Girls Night Out started.

We started a facebook group for finale plans and the hot topic soon turned to FOOD!!!…  Adriano Zumbo macaroons to be exact,  It was hilarious, one of the posts about these macaroons turned into a frenzy with hundreds of responses, we were like a bunch of school kids, So a trip to Zumbo’s was added to our list of things to do.

We got down to about 2 weeks to go and Teresa still did not have a dress… so in times of need we did what was needed … WE WENT SHOPPING… for 2 whole DAYS!!, We hit every shop from Penrith to Blacktown  and tried on EVERY dress in EVERY shop…  only stopping for coffee and lunch.

( bit off track but this was the first time I had gone shopping as a “normal” size – I LOVED IT I was super excited to be able to walk into any store and try things on, something I had never been able to do before )




now back on the subject finally after an agonising but fun filled 8 week countdown the BIG WEEKEND ARRIVED….

Poor Kyleanne had been sick and was still not feeling the best, but we had all been looking forward to this weekend so much that she was determined to soldier on….

Kyleanne Teresa and I headed into the city early Friday morning, First stop Adriano Zumbos!!! For some of those macaroons….  HOLY CRAP… $30 for 12 tiny little biscuits……..which I am disappointed to say are extremely OVERATED!!!…    not that great ..never mind… its all part of the experience, and we can now say we have had Zumbo macaroons..








Kyleanne needed to buy shoes and a handbag, so naturally next on the agenda.. MORE SHOPPING!!,  and of course being 3 married ladies let loose with no husbands in the city we had a BLAST!!, we even managed to stumble across Lulu Lemon by accident and bought matching pink headbands, for the group

workout the following day, cause that’s how we roll..

Friday night we went and met up with some of the girls from the 30+ face book group for dinner, the plan was to find somewhere nice to sit and eat but as it turns out it was pouring rain, so we ended up going to the first place that looked big enough to take our group of 16… and turns out the food was amazing… We then h

eaded back to the hotel with a pit stop at a gourmet ice cream place called Messina’s …. OMG… peanut butter chocolate ice cream… devine..

There was a point at some stage during the day that Teresa and I decided that we might skip the workout… you know to conserve our energy for the finale…. but Kyleanne even as sick as she was would not hear of this…. bugger… oh well… well just go. It will be hot and lame and boring but we will JFDI …..

Saturday morning arrived and we headed off to the Group Workout – in our matching pink ninja headbands – now I had been pestering our WS crew for weeks to make sure as many people as possible turned up wearing our Western Sydney Crew Hot Pink shirts – we wanted to make an IMPACT!! – and we did… it was amazing there was a sea of hot pink,  the workout was great fun, over 1000 people and loads of stalls full of goodies to sampl

e and check out…  After the workout we hung around and got a great group shot with Michelle,

The workout was AMAZING, so much fun, and to see so many people from our Western Sydney crew was awesome. Kyleanne and I managed to photo bomb Michelle a few times, and I even managed to push my way through the crowd to run beside her during the workout… So pleased we went it was so much FUN!


Time to head back to the hotel and start getting ready for the big finale…

Teresa and I had decided weeks earlier we were going to treat ourselves to a full glamour makeover and had booked in with the salon at the hotel for both hair and makeup… so quick lunch and shower after the workout and it was time to head off to our appointment…

Heres our before shot ..



So we headed off to  The Star salon for our glamourising.. Marion had her hair done and Teresa and I stayed and had our makeup done too, OMG that makeup women was AMAZING , I would have liked  to take her home with me, although not sure I could afford to pay her THAT AMOUNT on a daily basis….  She fussed and powdered primed and painted, both Teresa and I to perfection, including the most luscious eyelash extensions you have ever seen…. we left there feeling like princesses….  and a little bit broke $$$ wise… but it was worth it.

By this time the limo had arrived made it back to the room with just enough time to throw on the $6 vinnies dress, slip on the shoes and accessories, and its time to go…. We didn’t even have time to take an “after” shot of us all glammed up before we left the hotel so heres a selfie taken in the car


The limo ride was AMAZING, we stopped several times for photos, alt

hough I must say the driver was a little excitable and kept asking us to do cleavage shots… hmm…   at one point we were under the harbour bridge where there were several couples having there wedding photos done, and a gorgeous Jaguar was just sitting there parked on the side of the road, so of course we had to have some pics…IMG_2225IMG_2221



Arriving at the finale was AWESOME, everyone looked SO GLAM, it was hard to find all the people I wanted to catch up with because Im not used to seeing everyone all prettied up in dresses and makeup….











The finale itself was a bit of a letdown, the food was slow to come out and there was no real organisation, don’t know if they are all like this or if I had just built up an image of what I was expecting regardless it did not live up to my expectations, not that I was too dissapoinnted, I still had a fantastic time with my friends, and I can now say I have finally been to a 12wbt finale

I did however manage to meet two amazing ladies whose progress has inspired me for the past 3 years, Amy and Tanya . These 2 ladies have achieved amazing results I started following these girls on the biggestloserclub years ago, and have been facebook friends with theIMG_2275m for years, so to finally get to meet them was one of the highlighfinalegroupallts of my night.





So In all my plans for the weekend, I thought I had it all worked out,  Friday /night was great and turned out pretty much as planned.  Originally I was not fussed on the workout but it turned out to be AWESOME… and as excited as I was for the Finale Party, It was no where near as good as I was expecting …  The last thing on our weekend checklist was Emazon….

The Paralysis of Analysis

Ok guys apologies in advance for the novel length of this one.. but that is what my blog is for to get all of the stuff OUT OF MY HEAD…

So I have signed back up for 12wbt and it is now time to tackle our preseason tasks for round 4

The first pre season task is GET REAL – NO MORE EXCUSES – you need to write down all of the excuses you use and a plan or solution to avoid using them again.

Now Im currently doing round 3 ( we are now up to week 10 ) and to be honest I have not really followed the program too much, Ill have weeks where I go gung ho and follow  the program ( nutrition wise ) to a tee then other weeks where I just dont!! And I have been REALLY slack in my exercise this round, I have hardly followed the program AT ALL, in fact I have hardly exercised AT ALL – besides my SSS workouts at the river on Saturdays and a few fun runs, I have also  been doing some work on my arms and core but I am not exercising everyday, and doing most of my workouts half assed,

So when I started to work on this first task again It got me thinking, why am I so different this round – last round I smashed out EVERY WORKOUT – EVERY DAY!!.   I started thinking that it was because the last round and this round started right after each other without a break ( this was the first time MB has done this ) and that I had’nt had a chance to “relax” between rounds!!

I started feeling overwhelmed that this new round was going to be the same, starting the day after this current round finishes, and my head just couldnt cope. I had also reached a plateau in my weight loss, it havent lost anything for the past 5 weeks and have been yoyoing between 81kg and 80.2 kgs and my mind was just ticking over and over trying to analysis everything and trying to figure out WHY…  I realised that during this round I had lost about 3kgs in 9 weeks and was so disappointed in myself. Even though just a few weeks ago I had done some updated before and now shots, I just couldnt get over the fact that I was doing so badly this time round.  ….I mean I had bought “the dress” for finale in week 4 with the hope of fitting into it by finale, and secretly hoping that having this goal to aim for and finale itself would give me the motivation to be vigilant and stick to the program 100%.
and now the dress still doesnt fit.

I realized that I have NO CHANCE of getting into it before finale,    WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!        IM NOT EXERCISING !!!     I’M EATING CRAP!!!  , IVE STOPPED LOSING WEIGHT!!! AGAIN!!!!   I’VE HAD ENOUGH!!  I’VE JUST HAD ENOUGH!!!   , I’M OVER THIS!!!  Ive been doing this for so long, I should have been at my goal weight by now ( which btw I still have NO IDEA what my goal weight is ) Ive wasted SO MUCH time, everyone else seems to handle this OK why cant I?? I’m always reading about people losing HUGE numbers each week, and I just felt deflated.

So I wrote down my excuses, Im not motivated, Im over it, I’m never going to get there, I just want to be normal, Not enough time Too tired, too hot, etc etc etc, and I left them there, just like that all excuses and NO SOLOUTIONS….. I went off to work and was talking to one of the girls who asked me about my weight loss, she said  “You look fantastic, you are doing so well, I wish I could lose weight, what is your secret? ”   HA  – my secret, I was shocked to realize that people actually though I had a secret, that I had stumbled onto some kind of new age effortless easy way to lose weight!  This had also happened a few weeks earlier when one of my colleagues commented that it was easy for me to lose weight cause I was on a program, at the time I thought it was hilarous and told him, that program or not I was still the one who was doing the work, I was the one who was making the effort, I even commented “What do you think Michele comes to my house in the morning and moves my legs for me, cooks my meals and makes me exercise” .                                                                                                                                                                                                                     So I started raving to the girl that I was chatting with that I had been doing the 12wbt and what a great program it is, I told her that I have learnt so much food and exercise wise with the program but no matter how much I have learnt it is still come down to basic NUTRITION  and HARD WORK,  If you want results you have to do the work to get them… there is no quick fix or secret just eat healthy and exercise I told her how hard it is to work it all out around doing shift work and how being organised is the key!..  I also told her it has taken me about 2years to get to this point, and that everyone here at work seems to think I have lost it quickly but I think its just because we see each other almost everyday, AND  I am now starting to wear clothes that FIT instead of my old baggy work clothes that people are stating to notice. BUT  it has taken me 2 years, and I know that in doing it slowly over time means that it is permanent and not just a quick fad, Ive worked too damn hard to get it off Its never coming back again. AHA…..LIGHTBULB…MOMENT…No1                                                                                                                                                                            

I then told her about all the support network I have from my WS facebook group and the friends I have made through the program, , and that I started it to help others realize that they are not alone and everyone goes through hard times, also to give locals a chance to meet up and make new friends who are doing the program so they have someone to talk to who “gets it”  I also mentioned that the FB group is hard work too as I organise so many events and SSS workouts each week, do shirt orders, and try to help out as many people as possible that it really takes a toll on MY TIME!!! and that I really should get some others to help me out, so I have a bit more time for myself.                                                                                                                                                          AHA….. LIGHTBULB …..MOMENT …..No2

So I got out my notebook and wrote down some solutions to my excuses. I went home and worked through it all on paper, and it is amazing the sense of relief that comes once you have got a plan in place


List your excuses and the actions you will take to prevent them from being used.


I am not motivated – I have hit a plateau and am just feeling blah – I have been on this “journey” for almost 2 years and am just feeling “over it “ I have done so well and feel like I should be finished by now I just want to be normal again.

Motivation comes and goes, that is normal, you don’t need to wake up motivated to have a motivating day…
If you cant muster up the motivation go into robot mode and JFDI remember Mish’s advice and don’t let the analysis paralysis begin – don’t let your self overthink things.
Slow and steady = life long results.
Your body needs to plateau on a regular basis to “catch up”, Just because the numbers on the scales are not moving that does not mean my body is not changing and reaping the benefits from all of my hard work and effort. Be patient, gauge your results by pictures and your I CAN DO chart.. I WILL NOT LET THE SCALES DEFINE ME.

Im never going to get there… I sometimes find myself comparing myself to others, I get a bit irriatated every now and then when I see others who have lost huge amounts in less time, I feel like ive let myself down and could have done so much more in the time ive been doing this..

GET OVER IT… Be proud of how far I have come and all that I have achieved. I know that I have made amazing changes to my lifestyle, I am fitter and healthier than
I have been in over 25years, I am teaching myself and my family that old and lifelong habits can be changed and that being healthy and proactive is a lifelong commitment.
Know that permanent results take time, the longer it the more real and permanent it is.
Celebrate my achievements more often to keep reminding myself how awesome I really am.

Its too hot / too cold / too late etc

Do a DVD inside or use the treadmill / home gym – turn on the air conditioner
Wait until it has cooled down outside

I hate running outside alone and I give up too easily

JFDI and go into robot mode – don’t let yourself start procrastinating just do it. Mix up the locations to keep it varied and interesting .
Remember your goals and what you need to do to achieve them, repeat your mantra’s over and over when you feel like stopping and walking
Remember how bad I want to do a half marathon, imagine the sense of achievement that I will have once I have completed it.
Have a set plan in place and STICK TO IT
Keep a running chart and update it EVERY RUN to keep myself fully accountable
Embrace the fact that I can run.. don’t give up just keep running.
Increase distance everytime even if only by 50mtrs.

Im too tired – I don’t have time – I do shift work and I’m too busy with the FB group and all the stuff I organise

Solution –
JFDI – I know I can do it I have done it easily in previous rounds, stay organised, and plan diarise all workouts, meals and FB time ( this is going to be hard ) around my shifts I AM DETERMINED TO PUT ME FIRST!! – get a few more members to help out with the admin side of the group. Enrol others to help out with the admin side ( done )
STOP doing so much for others.. its time to pull back and let everyone else work out there own stuff, I have done as much as I can to help others get involved its up to them now.

I feel selfish spending so much time just on me, my housework suffers, my family still refuse to eat a lot of the meals, its too hard to keep everyone happy.


DITCH THE GUILT ITS OK TO PUT ME FIRST – I AM WORTH IT, my husband and kids always put themselves first and I have never seen them worry about it the way I do.
They are old enough to fend for themselves if they don’t like what is on offer.
Get organised and have a stock of frozen healthy meals they like for them to choose from when they don’t like what is on offer. ( and for me when I don’t have time to cook ) know that vegemite sandwiches for dinner WONT KILL THEM if that’s what it comes too.
Make up a housekeeping roster and ENFORCE IT!! Don’t give in and do their chores for them… learn to live in the mess… it wont KILL ME ( it hasn’t so far )

Its too hot

Do a DVD inside or use the treadmill / home gym – turn on the air conditioner
Wait until it has cooled down outside



Make extra serves of favourite meals and freeze them for emergencies.


Use home gym / do a dvd or if all else fails go for a quick

10 -15 min run / walk to clear your head , anything is better than nothing

Next task is SET YOUR GOALS…  Im working on this one now… so watch this space




50 shades of PINK ..

Before I joined the 12wbt an exciting weekend for me consisted of nothing more than simply not having to work… 

I have always enjoyed going out drinking and dancing but hubby is a homebody and prefers to stay home so an exciting weekend would have been having a few friends over, over indulging in all sorts of nibbles and alcohol and a bbq …

In the last 2 rounds of 12wbt I have developed a love and passion for fitness and fun runs… so an exciting weekend for me now is to go to a fun run with my awesome Western Sydney gals….

I have  commitment list of all of the events I would be attending and up until now I have done each and every one of them as promised..

This weekend, I had planned to do my first triathlon…. PInk Triathlon… a charity fundraiser event for breast cancer.

I registered  to do the short course… 200mtrs swimming, 3kms bike ride 1km run… months ago and was really looking forward to challenging myself.. I had put this as one of my commitments for this round of 12WBT

THEN..   a few weeks ago one of the girls from work organized a girls night out on the same weekend…   she booked a pink limo to pick us all up and drive us into the city.. .. HOW FUN !! 🙂 Ive never been in a limo before.. HOW EXCITING.. 🙂

As most of you will know I am anally organized, I pre plan EVERYTHING meals, training sessions, shopping etc.. So having 2 commitments on the same weekend was going to take some careful planning, no real dramas just need to make sure I have a plan and stick to it…  😛

At work discussing what to wear on the night out….   one of the gals keeps on at me about wearing a dress… Cmon… wear a dress.. show off that hard work…  Me – I dunno don’t really want to go out drinking and dancing in a dress, I just want to be comfortable.. I’m wearing jeans …  all the others are wearing jeans out, and casual clothes in the limo… going in style in comfort… sound good to me.. I go out and buy some size 12 skinny jeans and a nice 3/4 sleeve top.. looking good..

Plan A – Limo is coming to pick me at from home at 5pm.. easy peasy no problems plenty of time to do triathlon ( starting at 9am ) get home rest / sleep, get ready – casual comfy clothes for the lime ride  & change at the hotel into going out clothes..

hiccup no 1 – Limo needs to come earlier as the company has double booked… limo now arriving at 3pm instead

Plan B – pretty much the same as plan A but less time for rest / sleep BUT will get into city earlier.. can rest up a bit in there before heading out.. totally doable

Hiccup no 2 – 25th Oct – Email from event organizers – due to higher than expected entry numbers for triathlon, the short course event will now be moved back to 11am start time!!…  geez..

Plan C – Hmmm that is going to be cutting things really close.. need to be at the event at least 1hr before start time to pick up rego and have briefing and course instructions..  triathlon itself should only take about 1 hour at the most to complete, then another hour or so afterward to collect medal and bike pics etc  plus 30 mins each way travel  …so if I leave home at 9.30 get to homebush at 10.00 do triathlon at 11.00 finish at 12.00 leave at 1.00 home by 1.30 shower dress in casuals clothes  pick up at 3.00 .. bit close but still doable ( I think ) I’ll just rest in the limo 

Starting to have anxiety now.. I really want to do the triathlon.. but I really want to do the night out too… NOT FAIR!!

BUT hang on a sec.. they have a fun run event before the triathlon… maybe I can do that instead… that way still getting to compete in an event… still get a medal…  OK I’ll email the event coordinators and see if they will swap my registration…. 

Finally get a response on Monday… yep no probs we can swap the rego for you PHEWWW… big sigh of relief. still get to do both… anxiety gone…

Plan D – Fun run starts at 7am.. so get up at 4.30, leave home at 5.30 get to homebush at 6.00, pick up rego, meet up with others,  start run at 7.00  finish run by 8.00 leave homebush at 8.30 home by 9.00 … easy.. limo arriving at 3.00  plenty of time…

Friday – Shopping for some new clothes, find another new top that will look good with the jeans Ohh i now have options… also see  this dress.. its on sale for $25.. bargain and gorgeous, its a simple one shoulder shift dress really pretty ..  talking to the sales chic and telling her about my night out and she asks why I need a top… you should be wearing a dress… cmon you are going in a limo you cant wear jeans in a limo…. How often do you get to go in a limo…. I tell her I am really not comfortable wearing a dress while out drinking.. BUT WHAT ABOUT FOR THE LIMO RIDE… cmon.. its a LIMO.. 

She was right… I was going in a Limo for the first time.. and a HOT PINK limo at that… stuff it.. I am going to get that dress…. Now the dress is shorter than anything I have worn for more than 20years… has one bare shoulder… and did I mention SHORT…   I got the top and the dress and headed home more excited than I have been in years…..

Hubby comes home from work and I excitedly tell him about the dress, dont think he really listened he just nodded and went ” sounds good ” … Oh well…   Off to bed nice and early ready for my BIG DAY

Hiccup no 3 – MIDNIGHT!! Friday – Frantic voice message from the girl at work….. Umm limo company has changed the pick TIME and LOCATION… new time is now at 1pm at TOONGABBIE? and we need to be there by 1230 just in case it arrives early  WTF….

OMG what am I going to do… I lie in bed all night having anxiety. … a million plans running through my head…… how am I going to pull this off… I am going to be so stuffed….. why after so many weeks / months of planning was this coming up LAST MINUTE… arggghhh… why am I so fricken anal… why do I feel I have to do everything…. why cant other people be as organised as me….I have already had to change my plans and ditch the triathlon to fit in with this….  how could the bloody limo company let this happen…. how could the girl at work let this happen…. OMFG!!!

So I get up at 4am after NO SLEEP and make the decision to NOT do the fun run…  It was really hard to make… I was looking forward to it and I was quite angry that after all MY careful planning circumstances out of my control had stuffed it up….

In my head I was a failure and I was using all of the above circumstances as an excuse… time wise I would be able to scrape it in.. so there should be no excuse for me not to do it right!!  But deep down I knew I was making the right decision… It would not be doing myself any favors by pushing myself so hard… but I still felt guilty I wanted to be able to do both…

So i posted a huge rant on the FB group…. whinging about how deflated I felt… and how pissed I was about the whole thing…

As always ❤ my gals ❤ responded immediately confirming that Ii made the right decision…

It seems a bit silly but just reading their comments helped me get rid of the guilt I was feeling and put me in the right frame of mind to relax and get getting to enjoy my night out..

I spent the morning leisurely lazing around until it was time to get into that dress… OMG it is so short…

I put it on and walked out… hehehe hubbys eyes nearly popped out of his head… YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!!  when did you buy that… geez.. told you he wasn’t listening…

Again anxiety setting in I cant leave the house in a dress THIS SHORT. can I …..  just cause hubby says it looks good… get him to take a pic and quick post on FB and again  <3my gals<3 to the rescue… compliments come flooding in…

Arrive at the pick up point and all the other gals are in casuals.. and here’s me… in my short sexy dress and heals.. hehehehe..  I LOVED IT…

Pink limo arrives… OMG IT WAS AMAZING …..

would love to tell you the rest… but you know what happens on a girls night out stays on a girls night out..







Praise to the McDonalds gods…..

Would you like fries with that?

No thanks but Ill have a chocolate sundae…… 😛

So tonight I had arranged to meet up for coffee with an old friend who I have not seen for at least 5 years…

I had spent the morning with my awesome fitness buddies meeting up at 8am for a river walk, then over to the coffee club for coffee and a lifestyle breakfast…. mmmm

Then home to attend to my motherly / housewifely duties… cleaning…

Forgot to take out something to cook for dinner  oops… bad mother award… again …

Luckily I have a few frozen serves of Broccoli soup ready for myself for such occasions. BUT 😦 nothing for the rest of the family… and NO they wont eat Broccoli soup!!

So I ask the question..What do you all want for dinner…. I get the usual…   I dunno!!!… Whatever!!!!

Then hubby says… just get maccas.. We havent had that for ages..

A bit of background ..I gave up McDonalds 18mnths ago and have NOT had it since – except the very occasional chocolate sundae. Family have had it a few times but usually when im not home and hubby is responsible for dinner… typical…

I dont miss it AT ALL in fact the thought of eating it makes me feel SICK. to the stomach…  except those chocolate sundaes….

I head out the door to Starbucks, have a wonderful catch up with my GF,  who is amazed at how great I look and how well I have done, I start raving about the my Western Sydney Crew & 12wbt and how wonderful the program is and how most of the challenge is in your head.. once your head is in the right place everything just seems to fall into place a little easier …. I show her my finale dress pics and tell her all my plans for Finale…

Then its time to say goodbye and to go through that drive through!!

Its 8pm and I’m really hungry but this time my head is on auto pilot and automatically starts counting the calories i had eaten today… lifestyle breakfast approx  350 cals  .2  large coffee 200 cals… 4 x crackers with ricotta and tomatoe 175… pink lady apple 75…  = 800 cals… hmm wonder what I could get from there that was 400 cals or under….

WTF!!! – I dont even like their food, Ill just stick with the sundae … wonder how many cals that is…

WTF – finale is approaching… need to fit into that dress… NO SUNDAE

Get to the boxy thing that you order from a large choc sundae is 2230 kj so around 530 cals…  OHH this could work..  SO if i have NO dinner and get a large sundae ill be just over  on calories for today…  cause you know 100 cals either way is fine right!

I place my order feeling a bit guilty and thinking of how I have just preached about my progess and the program to my friend ..

THEN the  operator says Oh Im sorry our Ice Cream Machine is BROKEN.. no sundaes….

THANK YOU McDonalds Gods…..

Went home and had my Broccoli soup with croutons… 287 cals AND  a weight watchers Pecan Sundae – 120 cals…  1207 total

YAY ME … with a little help from above








Addicted to 12wbt…

Ok so as you know I’m doing the Michelle Bridges 12WBT….

Its currently round 3 week 6… half way…. and I have been tossing up whether or not to do the 4th round this year……

It has been driving me NUTS!!

I have even been dreaming about it……  weird dreams….. In one of them I was walking along a beach in a bikini  with a pluto pup ( which i dont even like ) in one hand and a cornetto ice cream ( which I DO like )  in the other 😛 and my whole Western Sydney Crew and Michelle Bridges were jogging towards me.. then straight past me….. and I couldnt keep up…… I just sat down on the sand and ate my pluto pup and cornetto…  😦

Weird shit…  now I know that I am strong and focused and could probably continue with my weight loss without the program and I know my awesome WS crew will be there for either way … but the constant nagging and debating in my head has been driving me insane….AND

I LOVE the program … l LOVE the support and I LOVE not having to think… I LOVE having it all laid out for me.. all I have to do is log in and follow the instructions….

And Im truly OCD…. I need to be organized… or I feel all out of whack…

SO ive bitten the bullet and taken the plunge again… Ive recommitted and I’ve signed up for round 4….

Now I can breathe again… and relax… the next 18 weeks of my life is PLANNED!!

I have become addicted to the 12wbt family and way of life 🙂

LIFE IS GOOD …. and organized… just the way I like it.

Lap the Lake – take 2

So today I did the Lap the Lake 5km fun run around the Penrith Regatta Centre..

My official time is in and I did my 5km in 41:12 YAY ME!

As always I had an awesome time catching up with some of my wonderful fitness buddies.  I am constantly amazed at how much I love these events.. who would have thought that I would be excited to “run” 5km… 12 months ago it was a totally different story….I dreaded the thought …….. and the Lap the Lake event is one of the reasons I used to believe that I would never be able to run..

So its confession time – I actually registered to do this last year just after I first signed up with the 12wbt, I had walked the city2surf a week before and was convinced that if I could walk 14km I would have no problem jogging 5km…  easy right…

I met up with another 12wbter was in training to do the 5km and agreed that I would meet her there on the day, I jumped online and registered I downloaded the Couch25km app for my phone and started planning my training….

I starting training at the regatta centre a few days a week and I did manage to struggle  my way  through 3  weeks on the c25k app. I would then walk the remainder of the track, I was doing this 3 times a week, as well as doing the 7km river walk.. I was on fire.. this was going to be easy…

THEN it came time for my first Fitness test for the 12wbt program – so the first part of the test is the 1km time trail … Ok so had been doing this running training for a few weeks  &  I was walking a 7km track a few times a week,  so a 1km time trial – easy peasy.. I could do that no problems, right? – WRONG!!  it took me 12:30 and I was exhausted after  running the 1st 100mtrs and had to stop running and finish the rest of the time trial walking while trying to regain my breathe and cramping up from a massive stitch.. What a wake up call that was!!      Who the hell was I trying to kid!!…                I couldnt even run 100mtrs,  5km was NEVER EVER EVER going to happen.

I admit that I gave up then and there I gave up on doing on the lap the lake in fact I gave up on the idea of ever running..   How could I ever be a runner, I had spent the past 18years as an overweight physically inactive slob.. I did not like me, I did not like the person I had let myself become, I was stuck in the yo you dieting cycle, stuck in the same negative headspace.

Fast forward 12months, with 3 ½ rounds of the 12wbt under my belt, a focused and positive mindset, and the most important difference is ME,. It has taken me a long time to LOVE me, to LOVE the person I have let myself become, and to LOVE and embrace and welcome new challenges, and to LOVE that I am out there doing it.

I still cant run 5kms without stopping but you know what WHO CARES?? NOT ME!!

Woo Hoo another Fun Run done and dusted…..


YAY Im now officially overweight…

Sounds weird doesn’t it, but after losing almost 30kgs, I am now no longer classed as OBESE, just simply overweight

I am so excited, to be classed as overweight in the BMI scale,.

For the past 2 1/2 years I have been slowly and steadily losing weight, I have lost almost 30kgs, and every week after I weigh in I check my BMI, It is the one thing that has not changed, I have always been in the OBESE range.

I have been getting a little bit obsessed with it as I have been right on the borderline for the past few weeks, but after todays weigh in, and a loss of 500grms… it finally happened… I AM NO LONGER OBESE.. I am JUST OVERWEIGHT!!!

I now have a BMI of 29.8 .2 under the obese range….

I have never been happier or prouder to be classed as merely OVERWEIGHT



Parkinsons Fun Run

Ok so I got a little excited after the City to Surf and the Bay Run and figured that I had probably run about 3-4kms of the 14 km C2S course ( in intervals ) and I power walked 7km easily in the Bay Run so why not try running 4kms in a fun run for another charity…

Enter the Parkinsons Fun Run, an event to raise money for Parkinsons, they had 3 events on offe – 8km run – 4km run or 4km family walk on  flat track around Olympic Park.

So this was my first serious attempt at running an entire “fun run”. I was as nervous as hell about this one, considering I had only run 1km without stopping for the first time the DAY BEFORE but I was determined to give this my best shot, and I was going with my gals, this time it was Leonie, Kyleanne, Michelle, Tracy, Renee, Meredith & Karen.

Now Kyleanne had been “helping” me run for the past 2 weeks, Ok so some would call her helping more like yelling and pushing, but It was helping and it was exactly what I needed.   She had got me through the 1km so all I had to do was repeat that 3 more times … GULP

I was registered for the 4km run along with Tracy, Michelle and Renee Kyleanne and the others were all registered for the 8kms, but Kyleanne had been sick L an was going to swap to the 4kms and run with me ( YAY 🙂 ),  no problems, I had not met Renee before and would be meeting her for the first time on the day we were all meeting at Tracy’s house again, getting picked up by Leonie again… all good I love our car pooling and meeting new people.

Ok so get up in the morning bright and early and my phone is going nuts, buzzing away… disaster… Leonie is sick L and cant make it..  omg omg omg what to do…..  Renee to the rescue, she will drive us, still meeting at Tracys, same time disaster averted . ( except our lovely Leonie is still sick 😦  )

We arrive at the event a bit later than planned and missed the start of the 8kms, but we were able to cheer on our lovely gals Karen and Meredith as they passed us on their first lap, and then again as they crossed the finish line.

    Karen                                                              Meredith         

It became apparent pretty quickly that this was an actual “fun run” and they expected us to run… oh SHIT!!   They had a time limit because the family walk would be starting soon… CRAP!!       I had been secretly hoping that I would be able to run the 1st km or 2 then slow down to a powerwalk…….

Also it was a pretty small turn out less than 100people, GULP no hiding or getting lost in the crowd here.

So the warmup begins, and we watch YES WATCH from the sidelines.. one last trip to the loo before lining up, and BANG we are off…..

I jogged the first 2.5kms without stopping, I wanted to stop so many times but Kyleanne was right beside me and kept encouraging me. I did slow down to a walk for the next 500mtrs, to regain my breath and have a drink, then back to a jog for the next 500mtrs, then another little walk again, THEN we came to the part of the track that enters the Olympic athletics stadium,  well it goes without saying you HAVE to run when you are on the Olympic track. It was hilarious we were running through the empty stadium waving our arms, taking bows, thanking ourselves and our families… SO MUCH FUN J !!  We got out of the stadium and it was only another 500mtrs to the finish,  I was determined to finish this thing jogging BUT as usual Kyleanne had other ideas, Ok she says when we get to the fence we are going to sprint…OMFG… are you kidding me, I don’t have anything left to sprint……. We get to the fence and she says ready lets go yelling come on run faster faster faster…….. I don’t know how the hell I pushed myself but we did it we sprinted the last 100mtrs, I could see Renee Karen and Meredith at the finish line cheering and screaming for us… It was the MOST AMAZING FEELING….. I ❤ my gals …