Ok so this is my blog about my lifestyle and the changes I have made, basically its my weight loss “journey” on paper.
Firstly, I want to say I’M ALREADY AWESOME…, now before you start thinking.. this woman is a self conceited nutbag… let me explain a bit.. I think everyone is AWESOME, we have a tendency to want to be this perfect person, who excels in everything, perfect mum, perfect wife, perfect housekeeper, perfect employee perfect example etc etc etc. but when we think of awesome we think of some unreachable status, we never seem to apply the word to ourselves, Just that you exist makes you AWESOME, If you can love and be loved then you are AWESOME, if you can give and take, then you are AWESOME, the dictionary defines AWESOME as : overwhelming, grand, breath taking, splendid, tremendous, remarkable, amazing, awe inspiring, astounding, humbling, fearsome.. everyone fits into one of those categories.
“Journey” seems a funny word to use as it implies that you are travelling to a destination that you have a starting point and a finishing point. Well the starting point is spot on, its that moment when you realise I just cant go on living like this, but after almost 2 years on this “journey” I’m realising there is no finishing point, a healthy lifestyle is a lifelong commitment, there is no going back, no getting off for a quick break.
Like most people I was a yo yo dieter, I would basically eat whatever the hell I liked and put on weight, then I would DIET you know the kind Im talking about those ones where food is a luxury and instead of eating 3 nutritious and satisfying meals each day you manage to cram 1000 calories into one meal then spend the rest of the day snacking on carrots and trying to convince yourself that you are not really hungry, After I had lost a few kilos I would convince myself I had done so well that I now deserved a reward for all my efforts, and of course that reward was food…. Why does it all have to taste so damn good!! Why cant carrot and celery sticks taste like melted cheese and ham on toast? And why can all the skinny bitches with the hot bodies eat hot chips and still look hot??
anywho… back to the journey part … after trying for years unsuccessfully to lose weight and keep it off I decided to try another diet, this time it was shakes, biggest loser shakes to be exact, the show had just started again on TV and they were advertising the crap out of these things, so I thought why not.. cant hurt… I even joined the biggest loser club website, ( the shakes came with a free membership for 1 week )
I did initially lose about 6 kgs in 3 weeks on the shakes, and like always I though I was doing really well so I started letting old habits slip back in.
Fast forward another 6 months or so, I am slowing approaching my 40th birthday, starting to talk about making plans for a huge party – I always wanted a big 40th, go figure, I totally freaked out about turning 30 and tried to ignore that one but 40 didn’t seem like such a big deal??
I decided I wanted a hippie theme fancy dress, I started planning out every small detail, what coloured table clothes and decorations, where to set up the dance floor, what clothes everyone will wear, what kind of food / cake, what colours to use on the decorations, I named my party “Leannes Funky Fabulous 40th” ( I am a compulsive organiser / planner freak ) when it suddenly struck me….PHOTO’S!!!, OMFG there will be photos taken, I don’t do photos, I hate photos, I hid from cameras, or I would be the one taking the photos, and if on the off occasion I someone managed to get a photo of me ARRRRHHHHH I couldn’t look, I would put the blinkers on and put it to the bottom of the pile.
So I am planning this HUGE party, going all out on costumes, catering, decorations, invitations, etc how the freaking hell am I going to avoid photos.
This was my AH HA moment, this is the point I realised, how much time, money and energy I had wasted over the years, all that “effort” and I was still going to be fat @ 40…… and look bloody terrible in the photos
I decided then and there enough was enough, I was going to do this, and I was going to do it the RIGHT way, no more fads or quick fixes, I was going to have my funky fabulous 40th with PHOTOS and plenty of them, and I was going to be in as many of them as I could get into!
I initially started again by logging into the biggest loser club website again, did my measurements and weight and was MORTIFIED to see I now tipped the scales at 112kgs, I had put on the 6 kgs I had lost and they had bought some friends.
I started eating healthily and walking for exercise 2-3times a week, I joined a facebook support group and was active on the BLC forums, I lost 13kgs and was finally back in the double digits. I signed up to do the city2surf 2011 with one of the girls on the site, and we did it in 2:44, I was extremely proud of myself for doing it and vowed I would do it every year and try to better my time each year.
Then one of the ladies on the FB group was always talking about her 12wbt program and how fantastic it was, she then posted her before and after pics and I was sold.
I signed up the next day for Round 3 2011..
I met up with some of the other new members and was really excited for the program to start.
One of the ladies I meet was a lovely lady called Leonie, we met at the regatta centre for a 5km walk, Leonie had a lot more weight than me to lose but her passion and enthusiasm was so inspiring, it really motivated me to give it my all.
Another lady I met was Wendy, she and I hit it off straight away and would regularly meet up for walks and coffee, and would txt each other when we needed a bit of a lift or some encouragement.
The first 8 weeks in round 3 2011 were fantastic, I was eating healthily, exercising more regularly I was not following the program 100% exercise wise but food wise I was right on track. I lost 10kgs and was feeling amazing.
Then disaster struck, My mum was rushed to hospital with Flesh Eating Bacteria and was on life support in ICU, as you can imagine my sole focus was my mum, everything about the program ( including the preseason tasks – get real no more excuses ) went right out the window, My one and only concern was my mum, I did not have time to cook or train.
Eventually my Mum did recover and was taken off life support, but was still hospitalised for a few weeks after that.
By the time my head was able to think about the program again it was week 12, and I was 4 weeks behind.
I didn’t end up doing my final weigh in or taking my “after” photo.
I did try to keep on track, my eating was not too bad and I kept up the walking, and had started swimming as well.
I decided to sign up again for Round 1 2012, the start date for this was 13th Feb, the day after my 40th, what more motivation could I need… I was going to look good in those photos.
I was quite surprised when I weighed in at 90kgs, the same as when I fell off the wagon.
I worked by butt off to drop another 2 kgs before my big party, I did all the preseason tasks, and even set up a facebook group for Western Sydney members, to help support and motivate each other.
Set up a few events for walking the Bridge to Bridge 7kms track and met some more lovely lovely ladies.
I signed up for and did the Sun Run which is a shorter 6kms summer version of the city2surf from Dee Why to Manly with Wendy, and at that stage we were both unstoppable.
We did the Sun Run – had to get up at 330am to get to Dee Why by 7am then went back to Penrith to meet Michelle at her book signing.
The day of the BIG party arrived and I can proudly say it was a HUGE success I had lots of photos taken and I looked amazing in every single one of them.
The first day of Round 1 2012 arrived and I was exhausted ( it was 2 days after my party and the day after my birthday ) I don’t think I even logged into the site!
I think the big build up to turning 40 and getting everything ready and getting myself ready for those photos was all too much, I had no motivation I was just “over it” and to be quite honest I didn’t really care. It was like a big “come down” after and enormous high.
To be honest I didn’t even really try the program at all, I did log in a few times but was disappointed that the menu plan was the same, the videos were the same, I was really disillusioned
I was still trying to lose weight but was doing it alone, I barely used the facebook group I had set up I would occasionally peek in there but did not really contribute in any way. I started feeling guilty that I had started this support group, but was not contributing in any way, the page was kicking along fine and everyone else was using it and setting up events, and getting right into the spirit of things.
Then once again times turned hard my hubby lost his job, and was suffering from bouts of depression, I was just overwhelmed by everything. I refused to give up and go back to my old bad habits, but I just could not muster up the drive to move forward out of the rut I was in.
I went onto the facebook page and posted that I was finding hard to cope with the admin duties of the group and asked for a volunteer to help out. The response I got was AWESOME, I had so many people offering to help, asking if I was ok, It was overwhelming, here I was sitting at home miserable feeling sorry for myself that I was missing out on everything, when at my fingertips there was a group of ladies who understood and genuinely cared, it really opened my eyes.
I then posted asking if anyone would be interested in walking with me the next day, I just needed to get out and get some exercise done.
Well the lovely Teresa responded straight away, we met up the next morning and headed off for the walk, and while we were walking and chatting away I was telling her how disappointed I was in the program and how I felt really bummed that I could not get into it, and how the repetitiousness of the program was a “rip off”, “I paid my money last time and this time I want different stuff” whinge whinge whinge I really must have sounded like a spoilt brat…..
Teresa was lovely, she just listened to me rant and rave, didn’t judge, she didn’t agree or disagree she just let me rant and she just listened.
The walk took a lot longer than we would normally do it in but that didn’t matter I just needed to get out of the house and back into some form of physical exercise
After our walk we went back to the coffee club where my husband met up with me for “lunch”, I remember I wasn’t hungry but was still looking at the menu thinking of what to have, when the waitress come over to take our orders, I had a “moment” I was remembering all my whinging about how hard it was, and how I was too busy and something just clicked, I though to myself. “What the hell, I just spent an hour walking and whinging and here I am about to order some food that I don’t need that will undo the walk I have just done and keep this negative repetitive cycle going”
I didn’t order any food, just got another coffee.
I don’t think I have ever told Teresa how much that walk helped me. 🙂
I signed back up for Round 2 2012, I did all my preseason tasks, and got actively involved in the Facebook group again, I am determined to “finish” what I started,
I have set up numerous events, and have been dubbed “ Queen organiser”
I am the type of person who needs accountability so I go head first into setting up as many events as possible because if even one other person is willing to come along, It will make me go aswell, I hate letting anyone down.
I am really proud of how much I have accomplished, not only with weight loss but also in my personal mindset.
I know how lonely and isolated how it can feel when your having a bad day, I know how it can just seem easier to give up than go on, I have been there so many times, and I really wanted our Facebook group to be a support network for anyone having those feelings, as well as a place to share, brag, whinge, whatever is needed to help you get through the “moments” to let everyone know they are not alone, and someone out there has been or is going through the same demons, excuses, problems etc as they are, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Our group does all that and more
As an added bonus I have met some of the most amazingly awesome people through our little group, I have made so many new friends that I will now have for life.
I have now resigned for Round 3 2012, and have decided to Blog – finally the explanation of this long winded story
I will be blogging as much as possible to clear my head, and keep my momentum going…
Sorry about the long intro, but I just needed to get it all out 2+ years of stuff that has been swimming around in my head is now out and WHAT A RELIEF!!!
And so the journey continues ………..