ALL THESE THINGS I KNOW
I am not doing this current round of 12wbt , in fact since my last blog I have not done much of anything.
Well that’s not entirely true, I’ve done things and lots of things have happened – Christmas, New Years, birthdays etc AND… I have been running, YES ME running – for real – AND AND AND.. I’ve even joined a Run club and I LOVE IT but aside from that I’ve been a bit all over the place.
You know what I mean, my food choices have not been great, and while they are much better than they would have been a few years ago, they are no where near as healthy as they should be, and we all know what this means, YEP you guessed it, those kg’s I worked so DAMN hard to get off are starting to creep back on bit by bit.
The illogical part of my brain has working overtime lately ignoring all those little feather tickles that say , Do you really need that?, Shouldn’t you work out just a bit harder, The same part brain part also ignored the rock that was thrown in when the message didn’t get through .. don’t worry about the numbers on the scale, its only a few hundred grams and its just a number. Don’t worry about the tight pants,. They’re not too bad, after all they still fit… just..
Luckily the logical rational side has kicked in just as the mac truck started to back up for a head on impact…
I KNOW THIS STUFF, Ive been doing it for years.
I KNOW what I SHOULD be doing
I KNOW I can lose weight
I KNOW the basic fundamentals of this healthy lifestyle and weight loss stuff
I even KNOW some of the more complicated technical stuff too
I KNOW what foods I SHOULD be choosing
I KNOW he numbers on the scales are DO NOT DEFINE ME
I KNOW I use that last line when those numbers are not going down but when they are going up like they are now – guess what they are DEFINING ME and my choices!!
I KNOW I am free to choose, and that every choice I make will bring me closer to or further from my ultimate goal
I KNOW that clean healthy food combined with exercise is the ONLY way to maintain a healthy lifestyle
I KNOW that I feel SO much better when I choose healthy foods
I KNOW that I LOVE feeling healthy and looking HOT!!
I KNOW I need to track my food to keep myself in check
I KNOW I need to control my portion sizes
I KNOW how AWESOME it feels to set goals and achieve them
I KNOW how important exercise is
I KNOW my stomach and my bowel ( eww gross ) feel and work so much better when I choose healthy foods
I KNOW that my skin clears up when I choose the healthy option
I KNOW that SMOKING is bad for me and one day it just might KILL ME!!
I KNOW I drink too much coffee
I KNOW that peanuts are a good source of protein and omega 3 acids, and that peanut M & Ms are NOT the same
I KNOW that I should drink at least 2 litres of water EVERY DAY
I KNOW that a peanut butter sandwich on fresh soft white bread from the local bakery, is NOT a healthy choice at 11pm
I KNOW a lot of stuff, yet here I am sitting here at work at 1am feeling all FAT and uncomfortable, my clothes are getting too tight, my work top is starting to bulge at the buttons just a little bit and I can feel my stomach hanging over my pants.
Its quite irritating, because I KNOW that I KNOW these things, its hard to put into words, but you know what I mean, once you KNOW something you just know it and you can not UNKNOW it!! No matter how hard you might try to forget about something or ignore that voice inside your head, once its out there and you KNOW it, you just KNOW IT.
Lets just back up a bit here, Over the past 3 years I have lost a total of 35kg, ( and even after all of that I have never come close to my goal weight ) I have done the 12wbt, I’ve done the biggest loser club, but what it all comes down to is I HAVE DONE IT, through making healthy choices and hard work.
I must admit when I starting writing this post tonight I was heading towards justifying my desire to sign back up to the 12wbt program. I got the email today, the next round sign up has started and my head starting spinning. Oh should I join back up? I’ve been really slack lately, I did so well when I was on the program, I have put back on almost 5kgs, its so much easier than having to think for myself.. etc etc etc and ohh look customised programs… ohhh tempting tempting…. Its only $200….. and its easy right, just click on that little tempting JOIN NOW button and you’re back on track..
Now sitting here typing it listing all of the things I KNOW It sparked the REBEL side of me, the defiant side, you know that side of you that sparks up when someone tells you that you cant do something.
Please don’t get me wrong, I loved the program, it taught me a lot, it helped me find the most amazing friends I have ever had, it showed me no matter who you are, where you are from, how much you have to lose, we all have the same demons, same emotions, same struggles, same issues.
I did not sign up for the current round because I thought I would be ok on my own, I know what to do and I needed to do it for myself, just to prove I could do it …..but I haven’t, so what does that mean?, does it mean I have failed? Of course not!! , I still KNOW all the stuff I know I just haven’t applied it. I never really had a plan, I have just been free styling without success, walking around with blinkers on, that is not failure its just stubbornness.
I came to work tonight ready to start a goal list for the year, and to plan some meals, and workouts for the next few weeks to get me back on track and subconsciously I think to get me through to the next round starting.
But it has reignited the fire in me the KNOWING I can do this, without a program, I need to do this without a program, I need to STAND and take control of my life and not depend on a program to provide all the details. After all, life itself is not a program, sooner or later, we need to take control for ourselves, as a very wise women told me recently – HELLO!!! – WHOS DRIVING THIS CAR!!
So Ive decided once again to not sign up for this round, Its been an emotional mind / soul searching decision but Im feeling confident it’s the right one for me, at this point in my life…. And I have a network of the most AWESOME amazing supportive friends that a girl could ever hope for, who I know are there for me whenever I need them
I have also realised I need to blog more often, it’s so therapeutic as I said earlier this blog actually started with me saying why I had fallen off the wagon and how I needed to go back on the program, so look out Ill be back here a lot!!
I have started my goal list, another emotional roller-coaster but Ill save that for my next blog
An finally while I am sitting here typing away, Im looking at the name of my blog, its still makes me smile… my journey to AWESOME!!
I KNOW that I am AWESOME, not just because that’s the name of my blog, or that Im in an AWESOME group, or because I have a pencil case that says so.. Its just one of those things, you know, you just KNOW!!