Archive | February 2014

Im NOT starting over – Im starting again at the start and eating humble pie…

So, its been a long time between posts…….

Feeling a bit overwhemled at blogging again but think i need to do it as It keeps me accountable and honest 

So many things have happened and its really hard to know where to start. 

I have been up and down an up again with my weightloss.

I am about to become a grandmother

I left my nice secure gov based job, to enable me to train for my 1/2 marathon… speaking of which 

I am now a runner…. YAY ME!!! 

I have trained for and completed two of my goals, 

1The City 2 Surf ( hated it but ran the whole way ) 

2 ) Cadbury 1/2 Marathon ( loved it ran the whole way and smiled the whole way too )  ( will post more about this soon ) 

I have given up smoking.

I have started training to become a PT.

I have rejoined the 12wbt to get my weightloss back under control ( not doing the current round but will be doing the next round starting 28/314 ) 

I have just posted a long winded rant about my weightloss . weighgain etc etc on the 12wbt forums and thought Id share it here too..

A lot of this stuff I have gone over before on here so I apologise for repeating myself over and over again

Oh and I just checked out the preview to this… funnily enough the last post before this one was me talking about  how much I know ( all of which I really do still know ) …  Just goes to show how mindsets and circumstances can change your perspective.. and thats ok, its all about what you need at the time.. and right now at this time, this is what I need 

thanks for reading xoxoxo 

its good to be back…



Its not starting over, it just starting back at the start..


Just thought I’d pop in and introduce myself…  but a word of warning, what started out as a simple little Hi im so an so and this is my 9th round blah blah blah has turned into a bit of a novel……… so Id suggest maybe you should grab yourself a nice cuppa / head off to the loo, get yourself nice and comfortable before continuing on..


Also Im posting this in a few places so you may see it more than once as even though I am doing the Advanced program I’d like to share my story with everyone to offer support and encouragement.


Ready … Ok  here goes…


Firstly the introduction…  Hi Im Leanne, 42, Wife, mother ( about to become Grandmother ) domestic goddess, genius, awesome, fun , friendly, helpful , fun runner, fitness fanatic wannabe,  etc etc etc .


I am back again to start at the start, I am not starting over I am just starting back at the start. ( There is a difference )


For me the beginning of this round will be a new kind of start,  one that I have done several times before but each time it has been different and this time will be different again. You see I am almost back to the weight I was when I first started with 12wbt.


Like most people on here I have had weight issues my entire life. I yo yo up and down over and over and over again…


At my heaviest ( 3years ago ) I was 118kgs…  I lost a few kgs on my own and started 12wbt in Round 3 2011 at 98kgs ….at my lightest ( 18mnths ago ) I was 77kgs. As I sit here and type this on 22nd Feb I currently weigh in at 97kgs…


This next round will be my 9th… OMFG… 9!!!!!…  

I have the little badge next to my name showing “9” rounds and “ Champion”

I think “Champion” is a little misguided…

So lets just get this straight, I have signed up for 9 rounds BUT if I am totally honest with myself I have really only committed and actually done about 4 of those and to be brutally gut wrenchingly arms wide open honest I have only followed the program to the letter for 1 round… ( funnily enough that was also my most successful round .. hmm )


I have been reflecting on how much has changed over the past 9 rounds….  its not just my weight.


When I first started exercising, I was too embarrassed to go outside and exercise in public where people would see me.


I was too embarrassed to let any one know I was trying to loose weight, what if I failed, what if someone asked me about it.


I used to walk around my house and backyard.

I used to use my sons Wii and do the Wii fitness games.

I used to wear baggy clothes – god forbid I would wear lycra exercise gear..or OMG  a singlet!!

I wanted to join the gym but I thought I was too unfit.  How silly is that??

I wanted to learn to run but was afraid of what anyone who seen me would think.

I started out very slowly, just gentle exercise 2 – 3 times a week.


I met a girl online through the biggestloser club website and we dared to dream we could walk the city2surf.

I had never committed to anyone else that I would do something, from the moment I committed to her I thought of a thousand excuses I could use to get out of it. I told my family I wanted to do it and they just looked at me rolled their eyes and thought.. yeah yeah whatever.

It took me a lot to finally get the courage to go walking around my neighbourhood, but I made the choice I had committed to do the city 2 surf and I was going to do it, it was probably going to take me 5hrs but I was going to do it.

I walked 3 times a week for about 8 weeks to get ready, and the week before I set off on my longest walk of 13kms just to prove to myself that I could do it.

It took me 3hrs, and I was in agony by the end…


Finally the big day came and we did it, we walked the city2surf.

It was extremely hard, I could not walk for a week afterwards, and even though I was elated and proud of what I had achieved, I had mixed feelings  knew I still had such long way to go, I had already lost 20kgs and was feeling depressed that I still had so much more to do. I was desperate, I needed help, I had no confidence, I had no future goals set , I just wanted to loose more weight.


I then started with 12wbt and loved the camaraderie, of  everyone being on the same menu plan, following the same exercises etc etc..


I did the tasks and took a big leap of confidence and introduced myself in the forums, where I discovered my fears and anxieties were completely normal.


I joined a facebook group for Sydneysiders where I met the amazingly awesome Leonie Gray and started attending some Saturday afternoon boot camp type sessions.

I discovered that I actually liked healthy foods, and could exercise and push myself further than I thought possible.

I was still a smoker but I kept telling myself, “ Ill wait till I lose the weight then I’ll give it up “


Every round I have done has been different.

My goals have been different, my mindset has been different, my focus and commitment level have been different.

Some I have focused purely on weight loss

Some I have focused on nutrition

Some I have focused on fitness

Some I had focused on all three

Some I have not even logged on to website for the entire round.

Some I had no focus at all, merely plodding along hoping for the best


Over the next few rounds I lost another 21kgs still smoking. I attempted a few times to give up but as soon as I started to put on weight I would panic and start up smoking again.


I started my own facebook group up for Western Sydney members and have met the most amazing group of friends through the page. I wanted to help other people realise they could do this, that no matter how daunted they felt at the beginning it was worth the effort, and everyone has to start somewhere.

I organised regular meet ups for fitness tests, and SSS’s,  we had a huge group meet up at the Sydney Finale in 2012 got an awesome pic with Mish.. 

I still smile everytime I think about these days, I was at my happiest when I would drag my butt out of bed early on Sat morning to head down to the river and meet up with whoever else turned up, we would moan and groan, whinge and complain, laugh and joke while we worked out.. then we would all go for breakfast.. I’m sure the Coffee club staff  at Penrith would roll their eyes when we all walked in, we would order things from the menu but make multiple changes… I’ll have the lifestyle breakfast – no butter no cheese wholemeal bread and only 1 slice.. oh and with mushrooms please…


I had a bit of a break from the program at the start of last year ( although I did sign up twice!! )

I joined a run club and when I started to get a bit more “serious” about running and fun runs and starting training for the City2Surf,  

I had a huge light bulb moment, what was the point pushing myself running 3 – 4 times each week and then lighting up afterwards? ..  Finally after years of procrastinating I did it, I gave up smoking. I am not going to lie the first 4 – 5 weeks were extremely hard, but as time went on it did get easier until one day I just realised that I had not even thought about it for a week or so…   I trained to run the city2 surf for the 1st time, and I did it.

I then started training for my 1st ½ marathon, I trained for 6months and documented my training on my facebook page to keep myself accountable.- check it out here if you want .


I knew I would gain some weight by giving up smoking, but I thought that by training hard I could counteract that… seems I was wrong, while training for my ½ marathon despite doing around 40kms of running each week, and training for at least 1hr a day for 5-6 days I still gained 10kgs, I then got diagnosed with early menopause and have steadily been putting on an average of about 300 grms a week.


So now I sit here at around the same weight 2 ½ years later,  ready to start back at the start..


This time the start is so much different .


When I first started on this lifestyle change I was a heavy smoker, I used to smoke both before and after my workouts, I would chain smoke on the way the gym or a workout.

I could not walk more than 1km without having to stop for a breath

I had “back issues” and believed that I my back was damaged for good and would always prevent me from being active.

I could not run to save my life.

I had no real dreams or aspirations for my personal life ; my goal was simply to lose weight and look good in photos  ( or at least not look fat )



My goals then were

1 ) Lose weight ( no specific number just enough to “Look normal” ) and to be able to buy clothes in any shop

2 ) Give up smoking

3 ) Get Fitter


The only fitness goal I set for myself was to be able to walk the City2Surf so I could say that I had done it.


Ive learned to set goals and work my butt off to achieve them.


Yep I’ve lost 35kg…  I’ve also managed to put 17 of those back on.

I can buy clothes in any shop but Im back to the bigger sizes again


I have given up smoking – had my last cigarette 30th April 2013 and have not even thought about having another  


My “back issues” went away as I lost weight and became more active.


I am fairly fit. I can run, I have not only walked the city 2 surf twice but I have also run it last year.

This year despite being up 17kg I did my first ½ marathon in January  and I wore tight lycra with a singlet!!


When I got down to my lightest I was starting to get fitter but I was still a smoker and would struggle with running and any form of hard cardio work.


When I was at my fittest I gave up smoking and starting early menopause and gained back weight


I refuse to see this as a damned if you do and damned If you don’t kind of thing.


I choose see it as an out of alignment kind of thing.

I always wanted to give up smoking, and If I had of given it up at 118kgs  I would have probably still gained weight  and the early menopause thing, well nothing I can do about that.

So if I had not lost the weight first, I would have gotten even heavier than 118 and that would have made it 100 times harder to start than it was in the first place..


Regardless of my weight I am happier and healthier and more confident than I have been in years, I am proud of the person I have discovered.


I am a non smoker.


I am a runner


I am confident and passionate


I have big goals and dreams. And I am not scared to shout them out and pursue them.


I know there is no failure, as long as you keep getting up moving forward and giving it your best you will not fail.. It might just take a bit longer to get there.


I have realised that helping people realise they can do this for themselves is what makes me happy, my new goal is to become a PT so I can work with people who feel they are too far gone to do anything and don’t have the confidence to try.

I want to help anyone who was once like me thinking, “its just too hard” “ ill never be able to do this” “ everytime I try I fail” “ Im just to unfit to go to the gym”


I know I can loose the weight that I have gained back, and I know that I can achieve my goals, its just a matter of starting again, and where better place to start, then at the start…